Two hours until the deadline and I was already weighing my options - getting fewer (and more pathetic) by the minute. I started to second-guess the usually sage advice of my grandmother to never call illness or injury to yourself...desperate times and all that. 

I reasoned that invoking the sick or maimed clause was the only way we might get out of this one alive. Or at least explain why an otherwise level-headed, self-proclaimed 'writer' would dwindle away five weeks for a 15 to 20-page research paper to less than 24-hours. 

How did I get here? Again...

The path was unbelievable yet predictable. Each time, the solution disguised itself as - a better planner, best-rated app, or some other fix that would dissolve procrastination on contact. More often than not, the result was a more stressful, anxiety-inducing exercise, leaving the latest fix (unfairly) discarded as a total waste of time. 

I wish I could say I'm completely rid of moments like the one I describe in junior college all those years ago. Or that each time I take on a writing assignment - the songbirds raise a chorus and words pour out like liquid sunshine. But the truth is, the innately human side of me still continues to grow through the mistakes, the insecurities, the failures, the excuses, the less than perfect - and yet fully embrace the mystery of 'the journey'.

How else would we be persuaded to establish a practice, build a habit, tend a new skill...We must believe that there are steps to get there. That they'll always be there whether we're aware of them or not. Think about this for a moment. 

We never thought to swear off walking after our first few falls, or decide to pack it in after we gagged on our first bite of solid food. It knocked us off balance for sure; literally took our breath away, but after taking the time to gather ourselves, learn the lessons and change course, we were back in it. 

Imagine that, as fragile infants, we understood this kind of grit, resilience, focus, and trust. Trust in the process; the steps it took to get there and that we had what it takes to do the thing. 

So let's remember those baby steps, the practice, nurturing the skill, the journey available to anything. Whether it's getting air in our lungs, or creating words on a page. 

Perhaps, more importantly, let's not forget the inner belief that prompts you to take those steps to begin with. Whether someone's cheering you on or not, whether the steps are laid out perfectly or not, whether we're 100% sure of the outcome or not.